Carley and Matilda were meant to be my daughters. During the waiting process, it seemed that everything happening was random, that there was no order to the events taking place. An expectant mother might randomly find our adoption agency and then look at the approximately 40 families waiting to adopt and based on a feeling or a detail about a specific family might inquire to the agency about them, then she might meet with that family and if the meeting went well she might choose to match with them and then after delivering the baby she might choose to go through with the adoption or she might not. Becoming a mother to my children involved way too many ‘mights’ to give madoe a sense of peace or order. If any one of those ‘mights’ didn’t happen, then I wouldn’t be a mother to that child. It just seemed like such a huge thing to not be more certain. Now I am the mother of two beautiful girls who came to me through the miracle of adoption and looking back, I can see how much order really was taking place the entire time. My girls were spirits that lived in my heart and waited until they found the perfect way to get to me and there was no way I ‘might not,’ become their mother. They are my children and they were always surely going to be mine.

When my husband and I first went on our agency’s waiting page, we were filled with optimism that we would be chosen quickly. What an experience it was to wake up every morning and think, “Today is the day I could become a mother.” Days turned into weeks which turned into months. After eight months of waiting, we received that long-anticipated call from our adoption counselor. There is an expectant mother, Victoria, who has just entered her third trimester. She is raising three children already and would like to meet you. We were thrilled and were matched with her officially two weeks later. Over the next three months, we would meet in person with Victoria twice, we would send dozens of texts (many would go unanswered), we would manifest, meditate, pray, wish on stars and talk of nothing else but her.

One day, about a month into our match, she called off the adoption. We were devastated but were quickly reassured by our adoption counselor that there was another expectant mother who wanted to meet us. We couldn’t believe the timing and felt so positive until two days later when Victoria reached out apologizing and asking us to match again with her.  We had to make a choice, and we chose Victoria. I had people ask me why I wouldn’t try someone new when it was clear Victoria was not fully set on her decision, I didn’t know how to answer that, it was just a strong feeling I had that we were meant to stay with Victoria. 

Imagine our pain 6 weeks later when our adoption counselor called us to say Victoria had given birth and chose to parent the child. We weren’t mad at her, of course not, she was trying to make an impossible decision and did what she felt was best. We understood, but my goodness, did it hurt. I was laying in bed in the morning I got the news. I was felt shocked as I got up, got dressed, looked in the mirror feeling nothing and then suddenly felt everything. I collapsed on the floor heaving sobs and hysterically crying out, “It’s never going to happen for us. Why did we stay with her? We messed everything up. It’s never going to happen. I’m never going to be a mom. I. Am. Never. Going. To. Be. A. Mom.” The next few days felt like a numbing blur. We had friends drop off a care package at our door filled with funny movies, comfy socks and a bottle of wine, we had coworkers give us sympathy cards and gift cards for meals, my family all loaded up in their cars and came out the next day to just sit with us; we really were met with such love and kindness that helped us move on.  

It was nine days later we received our first email from Natalie, an expectant mother in Iowa and thirteen days after that our Carley was born. I became a mother to the most beautiful, vivacious little girl who I instantly recognized as my own. I often thought back to Victoria and realized that if she hadn’t kept us on hold for those three months we would have been chosen by someone else and wouldn’t have our Carley. I always felt grateful to Victoria for that and I thought of her often that the first year, wondering how she was doing raising four children and I hoped she knew that we only wished her love.

I felt the draw to adoption again when Carley was 10 months old; I could feel another child out there looking for me. So my husband and I began the paperwork and training for the second time. We were finishing up right as Carley turned one but before we could be listed on our agency’s webpage we got a call from our counselor. Victoria was pregnant, she knew for certain she could not afford to raise another child and hoped we would give her another chance. Much to the surprise of our friends and family, we didn’t hesitate. Yes, of course, we would match again. This time I texted daily with Victoria, and she and I developed a true friendship.  After two and a half months of support, laughs and honest conversations about parenting, she gave birth to Matilda. I stayed in the hospital room with them, just us three girls. Victoria never wavered and confidently signed the papers alongside her husband. As I drove home with my sweet, perfect Matilda sleeping in the back seat it dawned on me how Victoria was the most instrumental person in me finding my daughters. I needed her to make sure I was ready for Carley’s birth mother and she made sure I ended up with Matilda, not her biological sister.  

Looking back at my adoption journey I realize that there was always an order, there were always my children that I was going to end up with, I just needed to trust in others, forgive freely, and love openly. I am so glad I did.

The post My Adoption Story appeared first on Adoption Blogs | Birth Mother, US & International, China.

1. Adoption Is Attainable Even If You Aren’t Rich

My husband and I had always planned to adopt. We knew we wanted to and were called to adopt. However, we were very disheartened that it would never happen due to the high cost. We are only middle class and simply destined to never be rich. The only examples of adoption we saw were those who had money to burn. It wasn’t until the adoption was presented to us that we found out we could find ways to afford it. Through a low-interest loan, budgeting, and crowdfunding, we have now adopted twice. Our first adoption was from foster care which costs next to nothing. Knowing that adoption was attainable would have certainly made us consider adoption sooner. I now use my experience to educate others that adoption is possible for those with limited funds! It may take work, but it is certainly possible.

2. The Need is Overwhelming

It is often difficult to fathom the need there is for homes for children. It is hard to see children in foster homes, orphanages, and on the streets. It is too difficult and too painful to try to comprehend the vast shortage of homes for these children. If the world really understood and had a full picture of the need, many would be shocked. According to Adoption.com, “ Worldwide, some 17,900,000 children are without families and living in orphanages or on the streets. They face a variety of health problems due to a lack of good health care and the proper attention required for healthy development.” 17,900,000. Just let that number sit with you for a moment. Not hundreds. Not thousands. Millions of children are without homes. If you are more concerned with what is happening within the United States, Adoption.com notes, “In 2012, 23,396 children reached 18 years of age in the U.S. foster care system.” 23,396 children ages out of the foster care system without a family to call their own. This is simply unacceptable. Entering into the adoption world and discovering the facts, my husband and I felt duty bound to act. When we can no longer pursue foster care or adoption, our time, our money, our support will go towards the goal of every child having a family.

3. The Value of Birth Parents 

I had only ever heard about closed adoptions. In my mind, adoption was taking a child who was abandoned or “given up” by someone who did not care for them and giving them a “real” family. I am aware of how horrible this sounds, but this was all that I knew. After my husband and I adopted, I could not imagine just leaving with my daughter and her never knowing her biological family. It just did not make sense to me. I could see the love they had for her and how much it was never a situation where she was not wanted. She was incredibly loved. Her birth mother, though she could not parent, would have parented her in a heartbeat if she could have. She loves her more than anything in the world just as a great mother would. There seems to be this negative stereotype of birth parents I wish would finally be put to rest. While there are situations that warrant closed adoptions, there is rarely a situation where a birth parent doesn’t “deserve” contact with their child as the stereotype proclaims. Many of these people are mothers and fathers who simply chose what was best for their child out of love. I have met and spoken with so many amazing birth parents who continue to want the best for their children while sacrificing the life they wanted for the life they could give their child. If that does not make a person deserving of love and respect, I don’t know what does.

I have learned an incredible amount about adoption since adopting and becoming an adoption advocate. I am continuing to learn with each new day. As my children grow, their ability to adapt and understand their own story is inspiring. Regardless if you plan to adopt, support adoption, or simply want to understand adoption, the best thing you can do is to educate yourself through the experiences of others. Do not let your assumptions or stereotypes guide you. Spend some time on sites like Adoption.com reading articles and learning about the beautiful journey adoption provides.

The post Three Things I Wish I’d Known Before Adopting appeared first on Adoption Blogs | Birth Mother, US & International, China.

An adoption blog is beneficial for many reasons, but the foremost being that it helps you document event and emotion. Adoption journeys are very often filled with highs and lows. I can attest that both of my adoption journeys were not only completely different, but both filled with events I learned and grew from as a result. There were also parts of both adoption journeys that seem like a complete blur. When the journey is over and the adoption final, there is this huge desire to push forward and regain some sense of normalcy. This is another reason why it is so important to document your journey. An adoption blog provides for such an opportunity and may help clear some of the more blurry moments after the fact. 

Part of learning and growing through an adoption journey is learning from mistakes and also rejoicing in triumphs. As you experience these triumphs, documenting them will not only be nice to look back on, but will be helpful if you ever adopt again. Adopting twice ourselves, my husband and I felt a little more prepared and knew the ins and outs of much of the paperwork and process. As we documented much of the learning opportunities that came with our adoption, we knew what to avoid, what to look for, who to hire, and what mistakes we could change the second time around.

Documenting your adoption journey in blog form is a fantastic way to keep family and friends informed about what is going on throughout the journey. While you will have to use discretion regarding what information you share due to stipulations on what you are allowed to share an when many of your friends and family may be invested in your growing family and want a way to keep up to date on news you can share. An adoption blog is a central place for them to go to get updates and also know updates will be posted rather than inquiring with you directly.

An adoption blog is also a great way to educate others on adoption and the beauty of the process. While my blog availability on a website is under construction, my blogging on social media has been met with a response from people I have never met but have felt inspired or connected through my adoption journey. I receive messages weekly from people all over the country wanting to know how to get involved in foster care and adoption. An adoption blog not only holds your memories and connects family, but it can also connect and inspire other prospective parents to pursue adoption and provide a child a forever home.

The post Why Should I Even Start An Adoption Blog appeared first on Adoption Blogs | Birth Mother, US & International, China.

It’s been said to me over and over again to write about what I know, what I love, and what interests me. That is why I love to blog about adoption. At this time in my life, I know adoption very well from the point of the adoptive and potential adoptive parent. It took us four years to get from our “Yes” to bringing home our babies. Yes, babies! We have now adopted twice–our daughter, Ava who is 21 months old and our son, Nathan who is 9 months old. Besides constantly wanting to show off these cuties . . . here are Five Reasons I Love to Blog Adoption.

 1. Adoption is my Passion.

When you are called to adopt, it is a lifelong commitment and I do believe you must have a passion for it deep down inside to overcome the trials, the roller coaster and the loss that is associated with the beauty of adoption. When we drop everything to follow our passion, it’s hard not to let that spill over into words.

2. Adoption is my journey.

Everyone’s adoption story is different. Some may have similarities, but each child is uniquely created and enters your home in a special way. I blog adoption to trace our journey from the moment we said “yes” as a family in our living room, to the turning in of our application to the agency, to the anxiety associated with the dreaded home study visit, to the first match–and the failed match–and then finally to our bringing home our baby. There was a time we actually gave up after our fourth failed match. We left the hospital once again with an empty car seat and actually gave up. But it wasn’t the end. Just another bump along the way.

3. Connection

Blogging adoption has allowed me to connect with other adoptive and potential adoptive parents. We are a special community that grows to become as close as family. Reading other adoption blogs opens up new doors, answers questions, and helps others in our community to feel connected and not so alone in the process. My hope is that no matter what stage you are in your journey–that you would sit down, read a little about our lives and a become family, become encouraged, and not feel so alone in the process.

4. It’s my open diary to read and remind myself of the “why” and “wonder” of our journey.

There is a tremendous amount of excitement when adopting. There is unspeakable joy! But there is also a lot of fear, sorrow, and exhaustion. Yes, I write about the good, the bad, and the ugly (and everything between). It’s important when struggling with the waiting, the failed match, or just the miles and miles of paperwork to be able to look back and refresh your soul with just why you said yes to adoption. It inspires others to see the ups and downs that led you to your child and be able to take home with them some hope and encouragement. Blogging this open diary has been both for others as well as for myself.

5. Share with friends and family.

It’s a great way for family and friends to follow our journey without having to constantly re-tell every detail. This is exciting for your family and friends to stay involved, but it’s also a great way during the application process for both agencies and financial assistance. I’ve found sharing a link to my adoption blog has been instrumental in allowing grant and loan companies to really get to know us, our passion, desire to adopt, and our struggle to financially bring our children home.

Our adoption journey does not end with the children home. It is a lifelong decision and commitment–so there is never an end to the discussion on the topic. I love to talk adoption, therefore I’m blogging about it!

Do you blog adoption? Share with us your adoption blog in the comments!

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The internet is full of blogs about adoption. It can be challenging to wade through them to find the best of the best. We’ve done it for you. Here is a list of twelve of the top adoption blogs on the web today. These best blogs on adoption share stories of domestic adoption, international adoption, and adoption from foster care, and all beautifully share their unique stories.

Best Blogs On Adoption

Confessions of an Adoptive Parent

With their blog, Mike and Kristin Berry have set out to create a space to share the trials and joys of raising their adopted brood of eight children. They also foster several more. Because they’ve been parenting their children for fourteen years, there is a distinct depth to their knowledge. They also include a unique section on their blog about preserving their marriage in the chaos of raising kids.

White Sugar, Brown Sugar

Rachel Garlinghouse and her husband have three children, all adopted domestically and all transracial. Her more recent posts have focused on educating people about the world of adoption, from addressing nosy questions to interviewing others who have adopted children. She has written six books, all centered on the theme of adoption.

Ken & Jan Cook

Ken and Jan Cook have adopted three children (two from Ethiopia and one from China) and are in the process of adopting another child from China. Although they didn’t blog much in 2016 or the early part of 2017, they are back at it now. Their past posts are a beautiful picture of what adoption is like and how adoptive parents don’t just work hard to get their kids, but to get to know them, too.

Ni Hao Y’All

Stefanie Hanen is a mom of 14 (yes, you read that right), four by birth and ten by adoption from China. All ten of her adopted children have different medical needs, and Stefanie writes about their adoption journeys and life together as a large family. Her photographs are stunning and bring their story to life. Stefanie is also a contributor at No Hands But Ours, a website written by a number of different people who share their stories and experiences with special needs adoption.

Full Plate Mom

The “mom” of Full Plate Mom has eleven children who have come to her and her husband through adoption–domestic, Ghana, China, and soon she’ll add Columbia to that list. She writes regularly about what it’s like to raise their kids as they add more to their brood. She has a well-detailed list of categories for all of her posts so an adoptive parent can easily locate her thoughts on just about every subject related to adoption. Bonus points if you can figure out her real name!

Ordinary Miracles and the Crazy 10

Nancy and her husband (Crazy Me and Papa) have eight children, four biological and four adopted. All four of her adopted children come from Asia, specifically Vietnam and China. Nancy writes beautifully about what life with a large family is like, and her stunning pictures give you a window into her family’s life.

My Real Kid

Allie Ferguson writes about the journey she and her husband took to adopt their son Miles in a domestic adoption. She focuses her blog on being a transracial family, and what it’s like for white parents to be raising an African-American child.

See Jamie Blog

Jamie writes openly and honestly about her life raising five children, two who were born to her and three who were adopted from foster care. She talks about homeschooling, being a grandparent, and staying physically fit as a way to relieve her stress and care for herself while caring for her family.

Adoptive Black Mom

This blog is written by a professional African-American woman who decided to adopt on her own when she was 39 years old. She is mom to a daughter named Hope, and focuses most of her writing on her perspective of being black, raising an adopted child on her own, and taking pride in her heritage.

Heart Cries

Rebekah and her husband have adopted five children, one through private domestic adoption and four adoptions through foster care. Three of their boys are the same age. Rebekah writes in a raw and honest way about the difficulties of raising children who come from trauma and the joys her children give her.

Shelley Writes

Shelley is a former news reporter who is now a full-time mom to four children ages four and under. She and her husband adopted two girls, and then Shelley gave birth to a girl and a boy. She writes about her journey to parenthood and how fulfilling it is to be blessed with four children in such a short period of time after struggling with infertility.

Lauren Casper

Casper uses her blog to share her story of adopting her children from Ethiopia in 2011 and 2013. As her children settled into their family, Casper began blogging about their family life and raising their kids. She has written a book and is working on her second.

What best blogs on adoption did we miss? Share your favorite adoption blog in the comments!

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