Adoption Doesn’t Cure Infertility. Even though you’ve made the exciting and life-changing choice to adopt a child, your emotional pain won’t just disappear. Infertility is a long and tough road with many struggles and disappointments. You will still grieve for the child you couldn’t give birth to. You may feel angry or sad that your body failed you. You may even be upset with yourself. These are all normal reactions. It’s okay to look to the future with hope, but be sure to take steps to heal your past and resolve any issues infertility has caused.

You Won’t Suddenly Become Pregnant. Friends and relatives may announce with certainty: “Now that you’ve decided to adopt, I’ll bet you get pregnant!” Although this does happen on occasion, it’s pretty rare. And, if you’re like me, you may not even want to get pregnant anymore. I remember when we first began the adoption process, I was so excited and hopeful for our new future and couldn’t wait to meet our child. I had come to terms with my past and was certain adoption was the right path. Getting pregnant was no longer a goal or even a desire. If you find yourself still hoping to get pregnant one day, consider holding off on adoption for a while. Be sure you are ready and fully committed before moving forward. 

Adoption Can’t Replace the Child You Once Dreamed Of. Losing a baby at any stage of your pregnancy is like a death. You will grieve for your unborn child, and your loss will stay with you for life. A quote I read after I miscarried comes to mind:

“Each life, no matter how fragile or brief, forever changes the world.” – Author Unknown

After I became pregnant, I was a different person. I felt the changes my body endured while each new life grew inside of me, and I suffered the unimaginable pain of losing those lives. To honor their memory, I planted rose bushes for my unborn babies and wrote poems. I had names picked out both times and never used them. Those names, Kristen Lea and Kara Rose, were meant only for them.

Once we brought our precious daughter home through the miracle of adoption, she had her own special, unique name. She brings so much joy to our lives, and we love her with all our hearts. But she is not a substitute for the babies we lost. I was a mother of three children. Two are angels, and one is our greatest blessing on earth.

If you are considering an adoption photolisting, visit Adoption.com/photolisting to view many adoptable kids ready for a forever home.

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The following year, I decided to do a story for my high school newspaper on adoption. A good friend had been adopted as an infant, so I asked her to participate.

“What does it feel like to be adopted?” I asked.

She smiled and replied without hesitation: “I feel natural.” My friend explained that she always knew she was loved, and her parents didn’t treat her any differently than their biological daughter, her younger sister. Her family was much like any other family. Love was the glue that held them together. I remember thinking what a wonderful option adoption was.

Thirteen years later, I lost my first child to miscarriage. My heart shattered into a million pieces that day, and I fell apart for a while. Tears. Panic attacks. Profound sadness. They became my norm. To make matters worse, I tested positive for a clotting antibody that can cause recurrent miscarriage. I felt like I had been dealt a very unfair hand in life. Why was this happening to me?

That was the moment I chose adoption.

Adoption crept into my thoughts. I knew it was an option, but I didn’t know how my husband would feel. And I had no idea what was involved in the process or how much it would cost. I pushed my thoughts aside. 

Over time, I recovered. The clotting antibody disappeared, and my husband and I decided to attempt another pregnancy. Sadly, I miscarried once again. My doctor drew blood to see if the clotting antibody was back. I waited to hear my fate.

When I got the call a few days later, I knew it wasn’t good news. The tone of my doctor’s voice was solemn, and she explained that I now tested positive for two clotting antibodies—and both can cause recurrent miscarriage. I had my answer. It was over. The miscarriages had taken a toll on me emotionally and physically. I knew there was no way I was going to attempt another pregnancy. My body had failed me. I felt like I had failed my husband and myself. I wept.

But through the tears, adoption called to me. It only took a few minutes after receiving that fateful call to know in my heart I was going to adopt a child. That was the moment I chose adoption. However, adoption had chosen me long before. Life had put the right people in my path so that I could see the bigger picture. I knew that love was the driving force in adoption—both in a birth mother’s difficult choice and in an adoptive family’s eager welcoming. My road to parenthood was heartbreaking, but I ended up exactly where I was meant to be.

For more information on how you can start your own adoption journey, visit Adoption.com. You can view kids for adoption by looking at their adoption photolisting at Adoption.com/photolisting.

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